Thankful for National Non-Diet Day

Sandwiched between the holidays of Candyween and Greedmas, there’s a little day dedicated to gratitude and thanksgiving. (Perhaps that’s why it’s called Thanksgiving.) This celebration is the most overlooked end-of-the-year holiday—possibly because there are no gifts, zombies or free candy involved.

Preparations for this day aren’t nearly as extensive as other holidays. In fact, most of the planning is concluded once a family member is given the “honor” of hosting Thanksgiving dinner. (This “honor” includes most of the cooking, all of the clean-up and making sure your aunt doesn’t do her yearly reenactment of the birth of your cousin using the turkey and a grapefruit.)

Once the feast location is decided, you move onto more important responsibilities, like who will bring the pies, who can make gravy withOUT using giblets, and who will bring the beer (either wheat or root) for the Cowboys’ game.

Decorating for Thanksgiving is rather difficult, as turkey/pilgrim trimmings are hard to find at stores and usually confined to three small shelves amidst the blood-dripping vampires and the plushy Santas. Signs that read “Count Your Blessings” are hidden behind signs reading “Enter if You Dare” and “Santa, Stop Here!”

According to that great Oz of wisdom, Wikipedia, the first Thanksgiving was observed in 1621 in Plymouth, Mass. Then it was celebrated sporadically until it was made a national holiday in 1863 by Prez Lincoln. What better way to express gratitude than to eat a 5,000 calorie meal and collapse on the couch while children, grandchildren and dogs jump on your belly?

So why is Thanksgiving such an ignored holiday? Pilgrims lived in hovels, froze in the winter, died of disease in the summer and starved most of the year. But they set aside a day to say thank you. We live in comparative mansions, have DVRs, donut shops and vaccinations against disease, yet we rarely express our gratitude. Unless we’re saying thanks sarcastically like, “Hey, jerk! Thanks for taking that parking spot!” (Something we say a lot during the Christmas season.)

Plus, there are some strange traditions associated with this holiday. First, there’s the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, where bloated cartoon characters are dragged through New York City streets on ropes. Then there’s the presidential pardoning of the turkey. I didn’t realize the turkey was being executed for its crimes. What was his felony? Fowl play? Corn stalking? Armed Gobblery? (Insert groan here.)

And then there’s the weird menu items that ONLY get eaten on Thanksgiving—and sometimes, not even then. Who eats sweet potatoes with marshmallows, mincemeat pie and jellied cranberry sauce unless they’re being force-fed by their grandmother?

So, in the end, Thanksgiving consists of a three-day school vacation, a journey to granny’s to eat food no one likes and an afternoon of doing dishes. We should at least be grateful we don’t have to eat chestnut stuffing for another year.

Thanksgiving is immediately followed by Black Friday, where we totally undo all the gratitude of the entire previous day by diving into a shopping frenzy equaled only to the pillaging and looting of the Vikings. (The Norse, not the football team). All appreciation or gratefulness is forgotten as we spiral into the budget-breaking month of December.

But for now, let’s take this little holiday and use our best thankfulness skills to truly enjoy our lives, homes and families. Even if dinner’s at your place, and even though Santa is still a month out, and even if you’re a vegan, have a Happy Thanksgiving.